- you sent me a message that said “i love you” while i was scrolling through something about britney spears. i cringed and asked my best friend what i should do first because i didn’t love you back but she told me i should say it too. i did.
i never let you fuck me because i was too small and i didn’t care at all. you cared too much.
- you told me your mom was an alcoholic. you thought i was drunker than i was. i didn’t think you were as drunk as you were. you took me to a bunk bed and bit my tongue and a dozen other people drank around us and your girlfriend was outside and you told me i had beautiful eyes and that you really wanted this and so i let you have it. you took me to your bedroom. i don’t think you could have told your dick from a beer bottle. the next day i took a pill and rolled my eyes when you asked me to keep it a secret
because it was a mistake.
it hurt a little but mostly i didn’t feel anything at all.
- i had half a bottle of wine and i was floating and we had been stuck on a boat for an hour and i was bored. i wouldn’t take my top off and you were so wasted you couldn’t even finish so i put my shorts on and sat around a fire and smiled when the guy my best friend had just fucked asked if we could all trade. he wasn’t kidding. i found out later that you and your friends were keeping score. i think i was number 7.
i went inside and took cherry-flavoured shots with girls i didn’t know and my best friend told me she knew he wasn’t worth it.
- you burnt sage in his house and it smelt terrible but i was drunk and you were so beautiful and you asked me to come home with you and my heart burst and everything sparkled. i tripped down the stairs and fell and you laughed and angels sung and you took me to your bedroom above the garage and i had the best time. a few days later i was in your bed again but this time all my clothes were on and i was pouting and you were smashing stupid keys, ignoring me, arguing with another girl. i left before you woke up. i want to see you again.
i loved you enough to ignore the fact that you could never care as much.
- you weren’t mine to have but i was curious and you wanted me and i snuck over in all black very late at night and we watched a terrible movie for ten minutes. you fucked me twice. we laughed. when i left you hugged me by the sliding door and we promised never to tell.
- you bought me dinner and drove me around and i acted like i didn’t care at all. we sat on your couch and you let me pick what we watched and we smoked but when your knee rested on my thigh i saw how thin it was and i felt my skin inflate until it popped. i walked a few feet away from you so you couldn’t kiss me when i left. i felt sick the whole way home. on monday when you called i didn’t answer. i decided i wouldn’t let you fuck me.
i never deserved you to begin with.
"A lot of people… tell me I’m a bit… dreamy. But I like the idea of that. Of being somewhere else."
-Alex Turner for Q Magazine interview (via ugh)
"We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk."
-Thomas Moore (via jasmine1945)
"I just thought it was so romantic—the idea that you don’t need to be loved in return in order to love something or someone. Love can come from you. It doesn’t have to be reciprocal. People love their cars. People love all kinds of things, and they really love them. And we don’t really value that kind of love because it’s not a real, reciprocal kind of love, but it’s real love to them…"
-Ryan Gosling (via ayutas)
For the first time in a really really long time, I can honestly say, without bullshiting, that I am so so so fucking happy.