n. the moment of realization that your quintessential self isn’t going to show up, which forces the role to fall upon the understudy, the gawky kid for whom nothing is easy, who spent years mouthing their lines in the wings before being shoved into the glare of your life, which is already well into its second act.
“There are certain things, no matter what, you have to keep inside.”
Haruki Murakami, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage
“…the painful intensity of my sensations, even when they’re happy ones; the blissful intensity of my sensations, even when they’re sad.”
Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet